whatever I say

you know what driving me fucking crazy???
MSN is newly installed on the new computer, but it's not working.
And right, I build websites and forums, I know a little more then the average idiot in this house when it comes to computers, BUT I DO NOT KNOW EVERYTHING]!!!
I just re-installed MSN 6.2 and mom and dad stand beside me like it is some stupid family event.
But each time I try I get this idiotic error (0x100036f) and I've tried a 100 things, but it's still not working!
I fucking don't know everything but everybody (mom, dad, sis) keeps on asking 'is it working yet? why not? it should work, shouldn't it? What do you think the problem is?'
go figure out yourseleves!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it's driving me nuts!

The better part of this post is about the music performance last night: I SOOOOOO ENJOYED MYSELF!!! It was really awesome. Geerte, Janneke, Joyce & I did More than words (Extreme) and we just did it. Climbed on stage, get the mic and sing. No bullshit. Just sing. I wasn't even really nervous. A bit shaky. but that's all!!!! Someone will send me some photos of that day. When I've received them, I'll show them.

It was freakin awesome, and I could get used to this!!!
I actually can't wait until the next performance. If I have the guts I'd like to do a number on my own (atm Life burns, cos it simply rocks!!!!).. I don't think I'll have the guts though. But maybe I should set that as a goal.

I'm still busy downloading. Kazaa is driving me nuts at some point, it simply doesn't download several songs. madness... Downloading Tom Green's bum bum song atm. Listen everyone! It rocks!!! :grin: anyway, soon enough I'll burn my first CD. and no, you won't get a copy.

this and that

This just hasn't been my week. Thinking back on it, I feel depressed, and thinking of the fact that this week is not over yet, makes me depressed as well.

For starters it has been snowing + freezing = me falling. I fell, coulnd't ride my bicycle anymore (something "broke" when I fell, it's fixed now), so I was late at school.
The next day I was so careful that I actually drove another way to school, just to make sure I wouldn't fall again. Meaning I was late again.
I got away with both times though. Didn't get punished or anything.

But today just hasn't been a good day. I feel so moody and depressed the whole time (felt like this when Choopa ate my clthing. should keep an eye on him).
I hope tomorrow will be better. Mainly because I have my first performance tomorrow.
Im kinda looking forward. I'll be nervous as hell, but you know... It'll be a good practise for me!

oiii and guess what? Im downloading my first CD just right now! Well not mine, but my own tracklist, if you get what I mean. Let's burn those CDs!!! :grin:

Sold

"I'm gone, can't stand another day...."

We were in Belgium today. We have this little wooden house over there. We've had for about 25 years or something, and today it got sold.

I've been coming there all my life and most of the years I've really enjoyed it. Recently I felt kinda out of place there, I don't really like the people and I've seen everything around there a 1000 times already. I'm up for something new, you know. I want to see more of Europe and discover the cultures of other countries.

So anyway, today it got sold. I'll fucking miss that place! Can you blame me? It's a part of my life. However, this does give me the chance to get away from there and discover other parts of the world.

So, bye bye 'Diastole'

TCG

yep, still thinking about TCG. *swoooon*
this is one way to spend your friday evening

Heavenly Hell

Just when you thought life couldn't get any worse.....

Yesterday when I woke up, I had this verrryyyy bad feeling. I just wanted to go rtight back to sleep, cos my feelings predicted nothing but horror.

The day went pretty fine though. However, later that evening I suddenly felt really low and emotional, I oculd just cry! When I went back to my room a little laer, I saw something [i]horrible[/i].... CHOOPA RUINED MY TROUSERS!
I screamed like "noooo , choopa! what have you done??!!" then my mom got pissed at me, saying it wasn't his fault (for fuck sake, it is! he shouldn't eat my clothing, right???????) and then she told me that it was only costing them money. Why? I mean, I never even bought a new vest after Choopa took a whole piece of the sleeve! And isn't it just God damn normal to buy clothing????

But I just broke out in tears and cried my eyes out. It was a good crying session though, but if someone easily touched would have been watching, that person would have cried as well. I looked so heartbreaking, even if I say myself.

So after I freshed up in the shower I went to bed, to wake up the next morning with my eyes all swellen. (if I cry just before I go to sleep, this is what happens.. and it doesn't look pretty).
So I just held an ice package against my eyes. Worked a little bit. But my eyes are OK now.

And when I got to school it was even worse, it was heavinly hell! The Cute Guy (TCG) was wearing a long black coat: HOW FREAKIN' HOT IS THAT??
Damn it, TCG! why did you have to do that?? It made me drool! and you know I can never be with you.. don't make it harder then it already is...

So I just had my moments of complete unfairness... It sucks.
Besides that, my speakers still don't work.

And now I can't get TCG out of my head. Thank you mister.

Up for adoption: clothing/plastic bag eating hamster

I am so extremely pissed of right now... Choopa (hamster) actually just ruined one of my fave clothing pieces!

I know he eats plastic bags when I leave them on the floor, so I carefully removed any eatable object for him off the floor... This vest was on my chair, but fuck, how was I suppose to know he could reach out for the sleeve and take a whole piece of it??
He just ruined it and I can't wear it anymore. I love this vest, been to many gigs with it, whenever I was cold I put it on.. and now it's ruined.
I was thinking of throwing it in the laundybasket or wear it this morning, but decided to do wear something else and put it with the laundry later in the night with my other clothing.,.. I wish I did, cos then I'd still have my precious vest.

So, In sweet memory of my vest.. This vest -->

songs and other crap.

Blegh... listening to Funeral Song (The Rasmus) Live at Rock am Ring... gets me emotional..

Anyway, I'm really pissed of! My exam results are so God damn bad! Even worse then I expected (and I didn't think I'd have good resulsts anyway, so imagine what they are like..). It feels pretty crappy to realise that I'll more then likely won't even pass this year ( Funeral Song isn't making it any better.. Oi, thank God - it's In My Life now. Look up the lyrics once and listen to this song, makes me feel powerful at times)..

I honestly do try at school, and it's not as if I don't get the subjects and stuff.... The teachers are just too detailed, they never take enough with a little less. And I know they shouldn't, but fuck! Think about your students for once and not just your own bloody 'oh-look-at-me-and-how-good-I-am' attitude!!

Gah..... I don't know what to do right now. I feel so bloody useless that I'd rather quit school and move to another country, to live there anonymously...

It's Bullet I'm listening to now.. If there's one song in the world I could never e-v-e-r live without... it's Bullet. for sure. I love this song, I adore this song, I'd die without it! Sounds obsessed, but I guess I am when it comes to this song. One that reads the lyrics and knows me really well; you'll "read" why & understand.

Enough useless blabbing..... Till the next time, when I anounce I'm quiting school, moving abroad and will continue to live anonymously (j/k.. unfortunately)...

good mo(u)rning

It's 1.41 AM in the morning and I am officially celebrating/mourning over my last day of nothingness... I have to go back to friggen school tomorrow

slash is always good... even this late/early.

I can't think of a title for this entry

3 mice eat a lot. Or so I have noticed.
Yep, I bought 2 new mice. And yes, they were named Aki & Pauli for a few hours, till I decided to re-name them: Rasmus & Kaja. They're adorable :)
It took a while for Piiku to get used to them, but they have been very friendly towards each other today. Yay! lets hope Piiku will start feeling better (I've got this funny feeling she will).

I went shopping today.. I hate shopping. There's hardly anything around which I really like, and I easily feel like giving up on shopping... It's so boring!

I also just updated my website (the-rasmus1.tk) a bit.. it needs some serious updating though! But I will add a few extras (wallpapers, audio samples, new pix).. and lets see what will happen next. Right now I am #29 in the The Rasmus Top 150 (of websites) & so far I've had a little more then 600 visitors (in the month of January that is). I copied the stats, but I haven't uploaded them yet.. I feel proud though. I never managed to do this before with a website.

Anymore randomness...? I don't think so. Just gonna browse around the net a bit.

silent death

silent death is actually one of the songs I ever wrote... the lyrics aren't really too good, but I like the title. Might suit this blog entry as well.

I think Piiku's gonna die. I've been up with her last night, cos she was sleeping in my hands. Stayed up until 2.00 AM with her or so. Then I went to bed at 3.15 AM. I wasn't even the last person awake.
When I checked on Piiku a few hours ago, she just sat there in her cage, doing nothing. I picked her up and she fell asleep in my hands (again). I was tired of being upstairs with her, so I went downstairs. I have never ever been able to do that with her. She used to climb on my hands, but would freak out if I even lifted her up the tiniest bit. Now I walked around the house with her.
She suddenly woke up, and it was really weird. Her eyes got really big, her ears went flat and she suddenly jumped of my hands, like really far. I nearly lost her. I put her back in her cage (after she peed on my hands again) and she jus sat there, doing nothing but sitting. She hardly even moved.
Weird little creature. So I won't be buying new friends for her. Maybe 2 mice when she's dead. If my parents will allow me.

Blegh, I'm bored. I have a few things to do:
- still need to finish & re-write slash stories (I can do that)
- Making wallpapers for my website (I can't do that)
- Figure out these freakin' I Frames so I can get my website (pauli-therasmus.tk) back online...

But I'm all so crappy at it, and I just don't feel like doing it.
I feel so... so... I dunno, maybe a bit like Piiku: just nothingness. that might be a silent death of my creativity at this moment.
I hate writers/creativity blocks. Makes me feel so depressed. Lets get it over with and let me go back to writing & creating, whatever is stopping me.

march

quiz: what does your birthmonth reveal about you?
quiz it: http://www.zenhex.com/quiz.php?id=1988

me:
March
Attractive personality.sexy. Affectionate.Shy and reserved. Secretive. Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic. Loves peace and serenity. Sensitive to others. Loves to serve others. Easily angered. Trustworthy. Appreciative and returns kindness. Observant and assesses others. Revengeful. Loves to dream and fantasize. Loves traveling. Loves attention. Hasty decisions in choosing partners. Loves home decors. Musically talented.Loves special things. Moody.

That's so me, isn't it? (except for a few things.. like to serve others?? loves home decors??). I don't think I could ever describe myself in a better way.

I'm confusing. I want attention and love, yet when I receive it, I tend to turn my back on it (and I know who to blame, but sshhhh). Easily angered: so true.
And what's generous to you? I mean I never really buy people anything and then I get told I'm selfish. But once you are my friend and I love you, then I am generous by allowing you into my world. Then I care for you. isn't that generous as well? Besides that, I don't make friends easy at all, so when I call you my friend... You could either call yourself lucky for having this honour, or not lucky because you'll get to know me. I can assure you, that once you get to know me, you won't only "get" me, but also a whole lot of crap...

wow... post with a deeper meaning.

Pauli & Aki

Poor Piiku, one of the reasons why she may be so calm and doing nothing but sleep and eat, is because she might be lonely :(
So, I decided to buy 2 more mice (Pauli & Aki) and put them in the same cage as Piiku. Lets hope she'll cheer up a bit.
I'll probably buy them next week or so...

I'm bored. anyone know any good websites?...

29-01

Well well, I'm back.

First of all: happy newyear everyone. Let's make 2005 a good one. There are a few things I defenitely want to do this year. One for sure- but Im not telling :)

Been with my friend the past few days.
Arrived there on the 29th after a train trip of nearly 2 hours. I like traveling, but it felt like something was missing. (Obv. : a gig!)
I made up a list of things to steal when I left that place (Indy, poster, pauli gig photo). I forgot though ;)
I had to spent the night in the attic, which was pretty spooky. It was all dusty and fucking freezing! I wondered immediatly if there were any Jewish people who stayed there during the 2nd World War. there actually were, not quite in that part where I slept, but still... Quite an experience.
The 2nd night there was a spider, so I had a baaaaaad night!

Taz also bought a karaoke DVD player. We did some songs, but Im just too shy. You just couldn't hear me... Damn I need to practise this crap!

When I was in Ede one of my pets also escaped (nice. mom is never taking care of them again) and my Green Lizard CD & late Xmas card arrived.
So much going on and I wasn't there. But I had a big show when I arrived back home: got into a fight straight away and got accused for the most idiotic things you can imagine. That made 31 Decemeber a new yearseve to never forget...

The 1st song I heard in 2005 was In The Shadows by The Rasmus, just like on januray 01 2004. Lets make a habbit of this ;)
reminds me: my friend told me today that one of the CDs is delayed in being shipped, the other CDs will be shipped today. ME WANTS CDSSSSS damn it!!!

However, I woke up this morning reading a fantastic slash story.... so romantic, I sat there reading with a massive grin on my face. That's one way to start the day.

Anyway, this is probably the most boring post I've ever written, so I'll shut up. there.